it is also christmas time. and so, why not, be time for a christmas blog. bing-bang-boom, we got us a christmas blog.
i love christmas. and pretty much everything about it. i even love the religious shit that i don't really love, but this time of year, i give it a pass.
so what am i going to say about christmas in here? well, i am not sure. how about a list of my 6 favorite christmas movies? i seem to be good at lists these days.
6. Gremlins
Ya motherfucker. Gremlins.
5. Elf
I love Zooey Deschanel.
4. Bad Santa
"It's a wooden pickle"
3. Scrooged
"I never liked a girl well enough to give her 12 sharp knives."
2. A Muppet Christmas Carol
1. Every other version of A Christmas Carol ever filmed
yes even, the one i have saved on my DVR where Marley is voiced by Nicholas Cage and the Trinity Broadcasting Networks "call and donate to God's love" phone number is scrolling across the bottom.
Ya motherfucker. Gremlins.
5. Elf
I love Zooey Deschanel.
4. Bad Santa
"It's a wooden pickle"
3. Scrooged
"I never liked a girl well enough to give her 12 sharp knives."
2. A Muppet Christmas Carol
1. Every other version of A Christmas Carol ever filmed
yes even, the one i have saved on my DVR where Marley is voiced by Nicholas Cage and the Trinity Broadcasting Networks "call and donate to God's love" phone number is scrolling across the bottom.
so, after seeing my list of my 6 favorite christmas movies, i can assume that you learned one thing about me. i love the charles dickens classic, A Christmas Carol.
when i was a kid, on christmas eve i used to stay up late and watch it on PBS. this was the version from 1951 with Alastair Sim. i couldn't get enough of scrooge and company.
while visiting london in 2007, my fiance stacie (you know stacie, well, i am sure you have met her.) got us tickets to a stage performance for December 23rd. christmas eve, eve. in london. it was wonderful.
now, other things i like about christmas: the cartoons/stop motion animated specials. should i make a list?
6. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
5. Year Without Santa Claus
4. How the Grinch Stole Christmas
3. Frosty the Snowman
2. A Charlie Brown Christmas
1. Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer
well looks at that. those are some good picks eh? my favorite, of course, is Rudolf because it is so good. i just watched it last week, and yes, it is the best. made my stomach feel warm and my heart feel not dark and buried. (note: my heart is not dark nor buried).
so what else do we got on the topic of christmas? oh, i was Santa Claus once. yeah i was. 5th grade mother fuckers.
what i remember from the story is that due to some faulty planning, christmas was going to be canceled. (snap, didn't see that coming). but to fix it, mrs. claus, the elves, reindeer and myself had to go to the only logical place on earth in a time of dire straits. FUCKING BRANSON, MISSOURI. no joke. it was a country christmas. now, i had stuffed my belly full of pillows and under them stage lights it sure was warm, so i come in and out on the memories of the evening, but i do recall a sea of jean jackets and bowl cuts, all around.
also, i was frosty the snow man once in a school play. i played him, the only way i knew how, ala rodney dangerfield as a crack stand up comic.
5. Year Without Santa Claus
4. How the Grinch Stole Christmas
3. Frosty the Snowman
2. A Charlie Brown Christmas
1. Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer
well looks at that. those are some good picks eh? my favorite, of course, is Rudolf because it is so good. i just watched it last week, and yes, it is the best. made my stomach feel warm and my heart feel not dark and buried. (note: my heart is not dark nor buried).
so what else do we got on the topic of christmas? oh, i was Santa Claus once. yeah i was. 5th grade mother fuckers.
what i remember from the story is that due to some faulty planning, christmas was going to be canceled. (snap, didn't see that coming). but to fix it, mrs. claus, the elves, reindeer and myself had to go to the only logical place on earth in a time of dire straits. FUCKING BRANSON, MISSOURI. no joke. it was a country christmas. now, i had stuffed my belly full of pillows and under them stage lights it sure was warm, so i come in and out on the memories of the evening, but i do recall a sea of jean jackets and bowl cuts, all around.
also, i was frosty the snow man once in a school play. i played him, the only way i knew how, ala rodney dangerfield as a crack stand up comic.
me: "i'm telling you it's cold out here."
crowd: "how cold is it Frosty?"
me: "it's so cold, you'll need two sets of gloves."
crowd: laughter, solid laughter, for 11 minutes*.
crowd: "how cold is it Frosty?"
me: "it's so cold, you'll need two sets of gloves."
crowd: laughter, solid laughter, for 11 minutes*.
*glenwood middle school record for funniest mother fucker to hold a candy cane.
ah, those were some silly memories. another reason i love christmas is my birthday is so close to it. a short 10 days before. now some december birthday dickheads will complain that they get screwed on presents. well to them i say, have a more loving family (or stop being dickheads). cause i always did well.
well, thats about all i have to say on the subject. i planned on ending this with a photo of our christmas tree. you see punkins (can i call you punkins?) this is the first year that we have had a real christmas tree. and by real tree, i of course mean a fake tree, but it is tall and has lights and what not. but since we cannot find the pieces to make a photo from our camera become a photo on our computer, that will have to wait.
so what i will leave you with is this, the greatest christmas internet video of all time. but i should warn you, it is also one of the most offensive and vulgar videos of all time. so go ahead and watch at your own risk.
well, thats about all i have to say on the subject. i planned on ending this with a photo of our christmas tree. you see punkins (can i call you punkins?) this is the first year that we have had a real christmas tree. and by real tree, i of course mean a fake tree, but it is tall and has lights and what not. but since we cannot find the pieces to make a photo from our camera become a photo on our computer, that will have to wait.
so what i will leave you with is this, the greatest christmas internet video of all time. but i should warn you, it is also one of the most offensive and vulgar videos of all time. so go ahead and watch at your own risk.
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