A few years ago, everyone and there ma' was telling these "Chuck Norris facts". Well, I dont like Chuck Norris. Neither do my friends, so we started thinking "who's someone we can immortalize?" and came up with the only answer possible. James F'n Lipton.- James Lipton told you're parents about that abortion you had.
- James Lipton will run for president in 2016, and ultimately win. While in office, he will make it mandatory for all Americans, to memorize every line from his favorite film, the Coen brothers "Raising Arizona".
-James Lipton killed the other daughter from Family Matters. Not Laura, but the other one.
-James Lipton was conceived by Gloria Carter and Adaness Revees, who made love under the Siccamore trees. Which makes him a more sicker M.C. than his mother would claim.
-James Lipton will be the first man to win a pulitzer prize for a guest apperance on a television show as the warden on Arrested Development. He will win this prize in 2011 a good 7 years after the show aired.
-James Lipton doesn't beleive in christ.
-James Lipton was born in 1926, which makes him 83 years old. However, in 2001 he took the head of Duncan McCloud, making him an immortal, or "highlander".
-James Lipton used to feel worthless cause his shirts wasn't matching his gear.
-James Lipton was born on Feburary 31st.
-James Lipton recently recovered the sheet music to a musical, "Sherry!" that he wrote thirty-seven years ago. The sheet music was feared to have been burned in a fire but was instead sent to the wrong storage facility and ended up at the Library of Congress with the other contents of the storage unit. The music has been produced and is now available on CD. This isn't that great of a fact, but in all fairness, how many musicals did you write thirty-seven years ago asshole?
-James Lipton only drinks Brisk Iced Tea, because, as he puts it, "It's brisk, you dumb suneva bitch".
-James Lipton was interviewing Gary Busey, on April 14th, 1993, when Busey turned around Lipton's famous question "What is your favorite curse word?" and instead of answering, asked Lipton what his was. Lipton then cursed solid for 13 days. There are 3 (known) tapes of the footage, however, censors bleeped the entire mess out. The Audio department at University of Miami (Ohio) has said the curse word started with an "F" and ended with an "L".
-James Lipton holds the record for longest bleep ever recorded by a censor. (see above James Lipton fact).
-James Lipton was with River Phoenix the night he died.
-James Lipton has a tattoo on his back that says "Talk to my boy Coolie about paying the bill."
-James Lipton gave the state of Hawaii its name.
-James Lipton shared a small apartment with Matt Damon and Ben Affleck in 1995. Lipton was actually the basis for the character of "Will" in the duo's Oscar winning script, "Good Will Hunting" which was originally titled "James Lipton's Cum Rag".
-James Lipton did an uncredited script rewrite on every episode of "The George Lopez Show".
-James Lipton owns a robot.
-James Lipton bought H.G. Well's bones from the Well's estate in 1976.
-James Lipton was the famed Watergate informant, "Deep Throat".
-James Lipton was producer of the adult film classic, "Deep Throat"
-James Lipton was originally supposed to play the role of Han Solo in Star Wars, but had to turn it down because every time he walked on set, Carrie Fisher (Leia Organa/Skywalker) would have a wild orgasm.
-James Lipton owns 47 guns, 29 swords and 2 knives.
-James Lipton's blockbuster video account number is 2325498666.
-James Lipton does not have a social security number, because he doesn't beleive in them.
-James Lipton was the producer for President Jimmy Carter's Inaugural Gala, the first Presidential
Inaugural Gala to be televised. Also the producer of 12 Bob Hope Birthday Specials.
-James Lipton was given Star Trek star Deforst Kelley's (Dr. McCoy) body when he died. This was in accordance with Mr. Kelley's last will and testament.
-James Lipton's favorite food is peep's.
-James Lipton's favorite holiday is Easter. (see above James Lipton Fact)
-James Lipton has a pet dog named "James Lipton".
-James Lipton does not find Will Farrel's portrayal of him on the popular television sketch comedy show "Saturday Night Live" amusing.
-James Lipton's middle name is Saul. This makes his name run together, JAMESAULIPTON.
-James Lipton wears a "Citizen King" band t-shirt underneath all of his suits.
-James Lipton can play the guitar better than you.
-James Lipton briefly filled in for Zach De La Rocha during a Rage Against the Machine tour in 1999.
-James Lipton can flow.
-James Lipton has never once been called "Jim" or "Jimmy".
-James Lipton is great friends with Roseanne star John Goodman and refers to him as "Johnny B. Goodman".
-James Lipton is credited for the creation of the popular television series M*A*S*H. He did not write it, however, he did start the Korean War in 1950 when he wrote an open letter to the Korean press stating "You are all cunts". This led to the writing of the film, which later paved the way for the television show.
-James Lipton has never worn gloves.
-James Lipton hates the children's cartoon "The Busy World of Richard Scarry", but he doesn't know why.
-James Lipton will eat any type of food for money.
-James Lipton, along with Bill Shatner and Robert DeNiro successfully gave Leonardo DiCaprio his first erection.
-James Lipton will take Dakota Fanning's virginity.
-James Lipton will take Sean Connery's head.
-James Lipton did not learn to read until he was 27. In an interview with Barbara Walters in 1978, he said the never had any reason to learn, since "girls would always read everything for him."
-James Lipton released 5 rap albums between 1994 and 2004, under the stage name "Nas".
-James Lipton will win a Tony Award in 2011 for his portrayl of Dr. Emmett Brown, in the Broadway rendition of "Back To The Future part Two".
-James Lipton's publicist has confirmed that he dated Jessica Simpson, while she was still married to Nick Lachey.
-James Lipton played professional hockey for two years in the early 90's. He was an offensive left wing, for the Pittsburgh Penguins during there back to back stanley cup wins.
-James Lipton told Jean-Claude Van Damme that he considered him "A dumb twat", when the two met while Van Damme was filming the movie "Sudden Death". (see above James Lipton fact).
-James Lipton thinks that Dave Matthews Band is a bunch of bullshit, however he does acknowledge that learning to play the song "Crash" on guitar, will get you laid.
-James Lipton's wife, Nina Lipton, legally changed her first name to James in 1990.
-James Lipton beta tested the XBOX-360 console for Microsoft. He wasn't impressed.
-James Lipton has reportedly seen the film "Slackers" 310 times.
-James Lipton wears boxers.
-James Lipton once rode a bike from Albany, New York to Bakersfield, California and back again in 2 weeks. On his arrival back in Albany, he called Lance Armstrong and challenged him to a fist fight.
-James Lipton knows who killed Tupac, but was sworn to silence by the American government, who are covering up the murder.
-James Lipton will tell you who killed Tupac for 150 dollars and a pack of Peeps. (see above James Lipton fact).
-James Lipton's breath is always minty fresh.
-James Lipton has a pet dragon named "James Lipton".
-James Lipton invented the strawberry shortcake. No, not the dessert.
-James Lipton will snap his fingers on October 10th, 2018. At that moment, everyone in the northern hemisphere will shit there pants.
-James Lipton has plans to become a cyborg in the future, just to even the playing field.
-James Lipton is 3/4 black.
-James Lipton signs all contracts in blood. Not his own blood, but the blood of hollywood actor John Wayne.
-James Lipton hates the way you talk to your mother.
-James Lipton wanted "Inside the Actor's Studio" to be called "Hollywood is a Bitch, and James Lipton is her Pimp". When the censors disapproved, it so broke James' heart that for 3 months he would not speak with anyone unless they addressed him as "James Lipton, king of broken hearts world wide."
-James Lipton dropped out of the 1970 Mr. Olympia contest the day before finals, making it so Arnold Schwarzenegger won by default.
-James Lipton survived Apollo 11.
-James Lipton sued God in 1983 over the title of his book "The Bible: The King James Version".
-James Lipton's favorite basketball team is the Toronto Rapters, even though his illegitimate son, Lebron plays for the Cleveland Cavaliers.
-James Lipton was born February 31st, weighing in at 10 pounds and 8 ounces. He was the last of 4 children, the only one who didn't give his mother any pain when she gave birth to him. And that's how she knew he was a special child.
-James Lipton was a very shy child growing up. He was into sports, and a funny story is, at 4 he taught himself how to ride a bike. A two wheeler at that. Isn't that special?
-James Lipton is an original member of the band Savage Garden.
-James Lipton was the voice of female mouse airplane mechanic "Gadget" in the 80's cartoon "Chip'n'Dale's Rescue Rangers".
-James Lipton organized a volunteer fire department made up completely of male exotic dancers called "Chippendale's Rescue Rangers".
-James Lipton received 200,000 votes in California's 2003 gubernatorial election.
-James Lipton's life story has been made into a hollywood film called "Without a Paddle" starring Seth Green, Dax Shepard and Matthew Lillard in 2004.
-James Lipton once smacked Margret Thatcher on national tv. Inside sources say it was the best 170 pounds of pressure she's ever experienced.
-James Lipton drinks pomegranate juice just to make you look like a jerk. You jerk.
-James Lipton musical fact: Color Me Bad's mega-hit, "I wanna Sex You Up," is about James Lipton's personal relationship with the Dali Lama of Tibet.
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